Dueling
by Slytherclaw5450
Summary: A Mary-Sue with a relationship with Severus Snape helps him with his Defense against the Dark Arts dueling lesson. In true Mary-Sue fashion, she wipes the floor with him. What does this have to do with MMAD, if only mildly? SSOC, mild MMAD, oneshot.


**Dueling**

**I know April's kind of Mary-Sue, but since this isn't going to be anything more than a one-shot, it doesn't really matter. She's really not to be taken seriously. She's what makes it parody.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP**

Severus Snape stood before his sixth year Defense Against the Dark Arts class, a glare in place. No one said a word; he had the ability to keep a class quiet without even trying, something he was quite smug about. "For the next few weeks, you will be conducting mock duels amongst each other." Murmurs spread through the room, but were quickly silenced by his scowl. "At the beginning of next class, I will tell you the rules and the first duelers. Today –"

He was interrupted by the classroom door being opened. A curvy yet slim, fair-skinned, raven-haired woman in indigo robes entered and hurried to stand next to him. He frowned at her, "You're late."

She returned the scowl, crossing her arms over her chest, "My work for Professor Vector took me longer than expected, Severus. Build a bridge and get over it." Chuckles spread through the room, making Severus glare and the woman smile at them. The young men in the room were more affected by the smile; she was rather attractive, and had a pretty smile to boot.

"As I was saying," Severus continued sharply. "Today you will see a model duel, performed by Miss April and myself."

April grinned, "A duel, Severus? Albus didn't tell me you wanted a duel. This should be fun!"

He glared at her, "I wouldn't use the word 'fun'."

"Oh, right," she nodded seriously, but anyone who looked at her blue eyes could see that they were sparkling with amusement. "You're concerned that you'll lose. I'm surprised you didn't demand another dueling partner."

Severus's nostril's flared, but he said nothing. Instead, he turned on his heel and strode over to the dueling platform. She smiled gleefully as she followed him, "You did!" Still, Severus said nothing. April continued anyway, "But, of course, Albus insisted that you either had to pick me or a student, as it was my job! And then, you actually were arrogant enough to immediately think you wanted the duel to last, and were certain that wouldn't happen if you dueled a student, so your only other option was me!"

Severus glared at her. He opened his mouth to speak, but then the door opened again and in walked Albus Dumbledore. Albus smiled at the pair on the dueling platform, "Oh, good; I haven't missed it!"

Giving his employer a sour look, Severus asked, "You wish to watch, Headmaster?"

"Oh yes! You two haven't dueled in quite some time," he smiled. "It's always interesting. Remind me, Severus…what was that last spell April –"

"Albus!" he sharply interrupted.

"What, the one that allowed me to win?" asked April innocently. Severus glared at her, and she giggled, "Oh, I'll stop teasing you now, Severus. Albus, would you be so kind to start us off?"

"I'd be delighted," he smiled. "Severus, April; bow to each other." April's playful demeanor evaporated as they bowed in unison, not taking their eyes from the eyes of the other, both of their expressions unreadable masks. "Assume dueling stances."

They turned sharply from each other and walked a few paces before turning back, wands at the ready. Albus smiled, his eyes twinkling. Every student couldn't help but wait with bated breath for their Headmaster to begin the duel, "Three…" April smiled at Severus and winked flirtatiously, "two…one!"

Immediately, a spell flew from Severus's wand, a spell April dodged easily and returned two at the same time. Severus shielded himself from both, but April had already sent another three at him where his shield wasn't covering him. Severus expanded his shield, and April taunted, "Is that all you can do, _Professor_?"

Suddenly, his shield exploded forward, and a rearing fiery black snake shot from the end of his wand. Quirking an eyebrow, April lazily transfigured the showy snake into feathers. "Maybe I should teach dueling and you teach the rest of the lessons. Dueling rule number one: never work with what you know to be your opponent's strengths. Severus, you know better than that! Transfiguration is my best subject! Dueling rule number two: never let your opponent's taunts get to you!"

They traded spells back and forth, and Severus's attention seemed to be moving from the duel and something else. Finally, he snapped, "Stop doing that!"

"Doing what?" she asked innocently, shooting a curse at him, that he dodged, while moving her body a little more than was necessary.

"That!" he cried suddenly.

"Dueling you?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about!"

"It's not my fault. Dueling rule number three: use your opponent's weaknesses to your advantage."

"Albus, there has to be some kind of organized dueling rule against that," Severus growled as he dodged another curse and returned one at the same time.

Albus smiled, "What, sexually distracting your opponent? No, I checked." Students' eyes widened, and the males paid more attention to April's body. They were all shocked, however, that their evil, emotionless professor was actually attracted to a witch.

April grinned, and rolled to avoid a wide-ranged spell. As she bounced onto her feet and sent a powerful blasting hex at Severus that he side-stepped, she asked, "Who, what, when, why?"

"In 1957, our Defense professor held duels and asked me to assist her in a mock-duel. I was the Transfiguration professor at the time, but still known for my dueling skills. She beat me, and I insisted she cheated using sexual distraction. She just looked at me with that amused, superior look on her face and summoned the rule book for organized duels, making me read every single one of them. None of them mentioned sexual distraction."

April laughed, "Oh, she's good!"

"Who was it?" grunted Severus as he hit the floor to dodge a bright spell that beamed from April's wand tip, making it hard for him to see her.

"You know her, Severus. You see her often, she has black hair, similar to mine…," April trailed off.

"You have got to be kidding me," he replied flatly, taking a cutting curse to his left arm.

"Not if her first name starts with an M and the last letter of her last name is E," chuckled Albus. Minerva Dumbledore – Albus's wife, April's mother, Severus's mother-in-law, and also known as Minerva McGonagall – was the woman.

Suddenly, a spell shot out of April's wand, looking quite powerful and painful, but it was on a course away from Severus. Thinking it was going to miss him, Severus did not shield himself, instead concentrating on retaliating. But the spell curved and hit him in the side at the last second, making him fall to the ground and his wand fly to April. She caught it with a triumphant smile on her face and walked over to Severus to revive him. He got up, glaring at her. She chirped, "I win!"

"Do you mean to tell me that you could've gotten me out on your first spell?" he growled.

"Yep!"

"Dueling rule number four," he snapped. "Always eliminate your opponent as quickly as possible."

"So you would have preferred for me to humiliate you by not even giving you a chance, when you're the teacher here?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow. "I don't think your pride would survive."

Through gritted teeth, Severus said, "Congratulations for winning, April."

She smiled brilliantly and turned to Albus, "Do I win anything?"

Beckoning her over, Albus replied, "I have an idea."

April grinned and went over to her father so he could whisper in her ear. As he spoke, her eyes flickered over the students, then to Severus, and back to study the students. When he was done, April nodded and smiled, walking to address the class, "I get to embarrass Professor Snape!"

Severus glared at his wife. This didn't bother her; she just thought it was hilarious. April turned moved so she was standing directly in front of him. They just stood there; staring at each other, before April suddenly reached out and grabbed the front of his robes, pulling him closer to her. He suddenly found her lips on his, and this made the students gasp in shock. Before he could even consider responding, she broke the kiss, winked at him, and turned to walk out the door. Severus stared after her with an utterly stunned expression on his face. She didn't even look back once.

Albus came up beside him, grinning, and patted him on the arm. Severus tore his gaze from the door closing behind his wife, wondering how anything so beautiful and kind could love him, and looked at his father-in-law. The older man said only one word that summed everything up pretty well: "Women." Severus grimaced.


End file.
